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Friday, January 29, 2016

It is Good {CELEBRATE This Week: 124}

I'm glad you are here to celebrate! Share a link to your blog post below and/or use #celebratelu to share celebrations on Twitter. Check out the details here. Celebrate This Week goes live on Friday night around 10(ish). Consider it as a weekend celebration. Whenever it fits in your life, add your link. Please leave a little comment love for the person who links before you.
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I meant to only think it, but I said it aloud. It went a little like this, "I wish I would have figured it out sooner, that way there wouldn't have been a big blow up since it went so long unnoticed." 

Sam said, "It's not your fault, Mom. We each make our own choices and sometimes people make a poor choice. You can't stop other people's choices."

I bit my bottom lip and did a little thinking before I spoke. I want him to grow up responsible for his own choices. I don't ever want him to take responsibility for the choice another person makes.

We learn best from watching others. I wanted to argue with him, explain that I'm the parent and parents are supposed to help their kids make good choices. I wanted to explain to him that it's my responsibility to make sure everyone does the right thing.

It's a good thing I'm learning to control my tongue. I clamped my mouth shut so nothing could get out.

Hannah said, "I should have stopped it. I suspected it was going on. It's my fault."

There are moments when we see everything clearly. 
"No!" I said a little too boldly. "It is not any of your fault. The only person responsible is the person who made the choice."

"That means it's not your fault either, Mom," Sam hammered the point home.

"You're right," I relented and released myself from the guilt I was trying to claim.

I used to think one day I'd arrive at this point in life when I'd get everything right.
I wouldn't forget to put things in the mail.
I'd never hurt another person's feelings.
I'd always respond to email in a timely manner.
I wouldn't be offended.
I'd stop getting worked up about things.
The house would be clean.
The car would have gas.
The leftovers would make it to the fridge.
This wasn't the week when I reached the point of getting it all right.
More often than not it felt like I did it all wrong. I'm reminded that this is good.

It is good to be in the middle of  a mess. Faith deepens. Relationships strengthen.  Love swells. And I am molded into a better version of who I was created to be.

Today, I'm going to celebrate being in the middle of a mess, not knowing how to respond, learning to shake off guilt, and trusting, always trusting in the shield of faith.


15 comments:

  1. Oh Ruth, "...and released myself from the guilt I was trying to claim." I can relate. I marvel at the grace that God shows us. If only we could show it to ourselves. I stand with you, in the mess (my own mess) and celebrate faith and grace!

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  2. Life and love are messy. The older I get, Ruth, the better I have come to accept this, and take comfort in the fact that there is love...which heals and forgives. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

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  3. "It is good to be in the middle of a mess." And I'm always thinking that I need to just get myself out of the mess. Also loved this phrase: " I clamped my mouth shut so nothing could get out." Provided a definite visual for me! Here's to celebrating from the middle of the mess!

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  4. I always love the honesty of your writing. I am reading Big Magic. Elizabeth Gilbert suggests that if we wait until we will get it right, we would never be creative. We must take the risk. You are giving your children powerful life lessons, and they , in turn, are teaching you.

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  5. There is always one line from your Celebration that I life into my notebook. Thank you for your honesty. This is my favorite line for inspiration. "It is good to be in the middle of a mess. Faith deepens. Relationships strengthen. Love swells. And I am molded into a better version of who I was created to be."
    "

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  6. I do believe that parents can be a guide, but when our children get old enough, they join us in the mess, and join us in getting it right. It's nice to hear this family conversation, and that you listened, Ruth. Thanks for sharing an important time in your week.

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  7. This line struck me, "This wasn't the week when I reached the point of getting it all right." Do we ever feel that we get it right? I don't think so. You are living life, and you are getting it right for the life you lead. Your wisdom is driven by your faith, that's getting it right.

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  8. There is a lot of wisdom here. I am constantly in the middle of not quite right and sometimes really wrong. But . . . always learning.

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  9. Thank you for sharing your "mess" - I'm reading Carry On, Warrior, and I love the way Glennon Doyle Melton shares her mess, but celebrates anyway. We're all in the middle of some kind of mess most of the time. We might as well find joy in it.

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  10. Being in a messy place is a scary thing. "Holding your tongue" is do hard to do when we love them so much. But it is the brave thing to do. I applaud you!

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  11. Too true. It's good to be in a mess. Thanks for sharing. Also, the holding your tongue bit is tough, but can be so helpful.

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  12. Love this post about being in the middle of a mess. I can relate to this and yet life goes on without flinching at whose mess is messier than the other. Maybe one day I will learn that the mess is the step to another step on the journey. Faith has to be the guide.

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  13. I love when your words (because I can hear you saying this over and over to your kids) come out of Sam's mouth. He is a wise one for one so young....
    I, for one, wore the "Worst Mother in the World" crown for years. Sometimes I still have to bring it out and shine it up. I think as long as you are raising four kids, you will always be "in the middle of a mess". Being family is messy work. Hugs to you.

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  14. I have so much love for you for sharing this post. I always hoped that I'd hit that magic age where I would just know all the things, but the older I get, the more I realize that this age doesn't seem to exist. We muddle through the mess the best way we know how. So nice to know that I'm not the only one.

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  15. I've only just discovered your blog via another blogger's link to your page. Your phrase "However, I'm realizing being a writer has little to do with publishing and a whole lot to do with putting words on the page. I'm a writer not because I'm published, but because I collect words in order to make sense of the world." is SO SO SO true.

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I {heart} comments. Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts.